Fashion Diaries: Industry ‘A-Z’ that you need to know to survive!

It’s a world of the haves and have-nots, and especially in fashion, it is all about those who can make diamonds out of dust. But, hey, there’s another way to become ‘world-famous’ in this industry, and that’s of course, knowing the right lingo to say in front of the couturiers ‘par excellence.’

If you know how to speak like the countless fashionistas…sorry, we mean ‘influencers,’ then, of course, you’re in it to win it, jaan!

So, without further ado, if you need to make it, then fake it, with this A-Z of fashion terminologies in Pakistan that you need to learn…

A is for Attitude/Attention seekers

There are two types of people in the industry – one who have  Attitude and two, those who think they have it but are actually Attention Seekers. How do you differentiate? Well, the number of tweets they do shading other people should tell you enough about them being the latter!

B is for Bitching

Haye, don’t even think you’ll survive the industry if your B is for breakfast and not for bitching! It’s a dog-eat-dog world, and here the name of the game is the B-word. So carry on, talk about what that Shumaila is wearing today!

C is for Copycats

Do you want that latest Sana Safinaz or Nomi Ansari outfit but can’t save up for it? There are Sara Saninas and Somi Safari somewhere in the country for you! Don’t worry, we won’t tell. It’s a world of copycats and this industry is famous for harbouring those who can’t seem to find their own designs! You know what they say, those who can’t do, copy!

D is for Drama/Designers

You can’t have fashion if you don’t have drama and for that our vanity and fashion industries are better than our TV industry! Do you want some gossip, some accusations, some blacklisting and banning, all combined? Then just let the designers know what the other one said about them!

E is for English Vinglish

It’s an English-obsessed world, so don’t even think about coming into the industry if you can’t speak it! No, jani, no. That word isn’t spelt Ver-sa-chee...uff...these English Vinglish types.

F is for Fake

This is undoubtedly everyone’s favourite topic in the industry – from the fake bags to the fake followers, here’s something we all can talk about if the other person’s doing it! Do you spot a Fake Gucci at Fashion Week? We do too!

G is for Go-getters

Not all is so negative in this industry! There are go-getters here too, who know how to get to the top of the spire and they do it! From supermodels to super-editors, this industry has them all and they all make sure they tell the world ‘they’re the best.’

 

H is for Haw Haye

You can’t have an industry based on bashing each other and then not have some Haw Hayes to throw around, right? So, welcome to the industry’s favourite sport  – The Haw Haye Basketball. Think that designer made a really low neckline? Haw Haye it in their court!

I is for Influencers

It’s the latest word in the dictionary and thank God, ‘bloggers’ have died. It’s all about Influencers now, and guess what? There’s still a large number of those who don’t work but demand crazy amounts for ‘promotions’ for influencing. New name, same problems? That’s right!

J is for Jaan

The west may have their darling, but in Pakistan, the industry is never letting go of jaan and we love that! Can’t make it to the party? It’s quite alright, jaan, see you next fashion week!

K is for Keyboard Jihadis

Fancy a place where everyone fights and then bullies each other into thinking that their version of whatever they’re talking about is right? Then clearly you’d want to be a Keyboard Jihadi! They’re everywhere, and their biggest weapon is the keyboard! Too scary.

L is for Lawn Fever

We all love it when our fashion industry flourishes, but there’s one time each year that just makes us not want to think about fashion for a while – and that’s the Lawn season! Everyone under the sun comes up with a lawn collection and then that fever just continues on forever!

 

M is for Minions

Are you a famous editor/designer/celeb and need yourself a team of people who will spread your gospel in the industry? Then all you need is your very own minion! They do all your bitching for you and then you can keep looking like the Naik Parveen that you are! Cha-ching!

 

N is for Narcissist

No one in the industry will accept that they love themselves the most, but hey guess what? They do. It’s called being a narcissist and you’ll find plenty around you.

 

O is for Outfit of the Day

Another new word in the fashion lingo is, of course, the ever-so-popular, Outfit of the Day or OOTD. Gone are the days of the OMG and here comes the hashtag brigade with their #OOTDs.

P is for PR Agencies

Everyone needs a makeover, but if you can’t afford one, all you need is a PR agency and they’ll make sure your hideous Hilda turns into a Sexy Sally in two-three Instagram posts pasted around everywhere. So, don’t look for the best designers or stylists, find yourself the best PR!

Q is for Queens

It’s a world run by Queens, and whether it’s the runway or the atelier, the Queens take it home. So when you’re in the fashion world, mums not the word, Queen is.

R is for Runway

You may know it as a ramp or the runway, and it’s the most important part of the industry! It makes careers or breaks them, and everyone loves being around it, f-rowing of course! But hey, if the collection is bad, please just run-away instead.

S is for Seniors

They have seen the industry grow and they have made it big in their prime. They’re, of course, the ‘Seniors.’ Don’t cross them and you’re good because believe us, they’ll teach you a lesson or two if you think you’re better than them!

T is for Trolls

Who doesn’t see the countless bashing the models, celebs and designers go through every day on social media? From threats to vile comments, they all come from one source and that is the Trolls. 

U is for Underdressed

There are a lot of events to attend if you’re an A-class fashionista and that means you need to have the right amount of style for each soirée. However, if God forbid, you end up coming in a black T-shirt and jeans to a couture show, then get ready for some staring eyes because honey, you’re clearly underdressed.

V is for Variety

We love the industry because there’s so much Variety here. You may not find so much of it in half the designers who end up making the same thing, and half the models who end up looking the same, but you’ll find it somewhere. Let us know when you find it…

W is for Why?

 

There’s a large amount of Why’s in the industry, and they all largely revolve around the question of why someone would want to wear that or show it on the runway? Sadly, no one has the answer to it, and perhaps, never will.

X is for X-files

The industry loves each other a bit too much and there’s no hiding that. Are they that other person’s ex? Yes, they are. Get on with the program, this is the X-files darling, and no one’s ex is safe.

Y is for Yawn

Do you plan to show layer upon layer upon layer with the same colour palette again this season? Then Yawn, next.

Z is for Zara

No, we aren’t talking about the model here. Z is of course, for Zara the holy grail of outfit inspirations for so many of our local brands. Can’t innovate on a design or find that right cut you should have in your collection? Go to Zara’s website, honey!

 

*Disclaimer: This article is a pure piece of satire and should be treated as such. Laughing at ourselves is crucial to a happy life.

 

Shahjehan Saleem
Shahjehan Saleem

The author is the Editor of Diva Online as well as a film & fashion critic. He is also a professor in the Department of Media Sciences at SZABIST, Karachi. Socio-cultural theories and geography fill up the rest of his time.

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